Monday, August 13, 2012

But mom...

Being a mom is hard work but being a mom in medical school seems impossible. Well not so much but some days it’s definitely impossible to win mommy battles.  During my eight week STEP 1 PREP every time my daughter would ask me to play with her, watch a movie or go for a walk I would have to say “NO”. It broke my heart, my eyes would well up with tears, but what could I do? I had to keep studying. USMLE Step 1 is a huge exam and carries way too much weight in my medical career. It’s everything I had been working towards for the last several years and I simply had to do the best job possible. So my husband and I would explain to her the importance of this “test” and how afterward she and I were going to have the whole summer together and I wouldn’t have to study at all. Well needless to say she was AMAZING! I was able to study and do fantastic on my test and she was a total trooper. I will never forget her running into my arms as I opened the door in my post step haze and her screaming at me “DID YOU GET AN A MOMMY? DID YOU GET AN A?” She pulled me by the arm straight into her room so we could play…FINALLY her dreams had come true! Well I’m not entirely sure what she had envisioned our mother/daughter time to be like because after an entire summer full of what I thought was great fun she informed me how this summer has been boring and how I never play enough with her and we never do anything fun and how I promised I was going to spend all of my time with her. I suppose summer days full of movies, Barbie dolls, books, swimming pools, beaches, and water parks was simply not enough. Sigh! I guess as parents we can never win all the battles and our kids will never be totally satisfied. She did apologize later for hurting my feelings and promptly “took it all back” and asked “can you forgive me?” What a sweet child. But in all honesty, I have really enjoyed spending this summer with my baby girl, reading with her, talking, and getting to know her all over again. She is growing up so quickly and most of the time my head is buried too deeply into my books to notice but, occasionally I look up and see her change right in front of me into the woman she will one day become.

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