Sunday, December 20, 2009

The application process

It was September 20th, a Sunday afternoon and I was feeling an emotional breakdown approaching. My application had been complete for a few days now but I just kept reading it over and over again unable to let go. All these years of work have come down to this one unimaginable moment. I just couldn't hit submit. It was too final and complete. The future felt empty and undecided and completely out of my control. Who was I if I was rejected? What would I do? How would I move my family and my life so far away? Would we survive? Would I ACTUALLY get accepted? So many questions... I sat staring at the submit button on my computer screen and spoke "OK... I'm doing it" Brandon looked up, walked to the fridge and and poured me a glass of wine. I hit submit as he handed me my drink. I remember feeling the anxiety build up like a burning fire at the bottom of my toes and creep it's way all the way up to my head. I got up from the table and walked away as the tears of joy and fear welled up in my eyes. It was done. It was over, or was it just starting...

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